Make Some Noise

For a little over two years now, I've been fairly silent. And I'm ready to make noise. With a few recent events at work, my spark has finally come back. It's taken me two years to find the spark inside me. So, here's my story.

Two years ago, I was bedridden. Add another four months, I was finally making my way out to my car and to my parents house where I'd lay on their couch until January. It was the second day of school and had already finished band camp. A guy I didn't know well, invited me over to play some Xbox. And I thought nothing more of it. I didn't have friends. I was still getting over an abusive relationship. I was lonely. I was vulnerable. And worst of all, I was offered alcohol.

So, where am I getting at? What happened? I wish I could tell you. All I remember was taking two beers. Not enough to knock me out. But that is what happened. I woke up and I heard "Clean yourself up." with a towel thrown at me. Next thing I knew, I was sitting down with police and investigators.

"Do you want to press charges?"
"Have you told your parents?"
"Did he provide the alcohol?"

The entire time I was with my drumline instructor who took me to the station. A man who sat with me, listening to every horrible thing I could remember. He was just as distraught as I was. I was only 19.

To answer your question: I was date raped. My drink was drugged. I lost my virginity that night. I wanted justice so bad. I hated him. I still do. But, things took a turn for the best.

Two years later, and here I am. I'm moved out and living with my girlfriend. I've had my job since October 2015; which is the longest I've ever kept a job. And I have been offered the head frycook position. The thought of what happened stopped coming to my mind. I left school to find myself. I worked every hour, minute, second I could. My mind was constantly occupied. The days I didn't work, I was at drumline. An hour and a half away from where I lived. But in that time, we won our state championships. I never thought I'd feel like a human again. 

But I am human. And I am worth every second of this life. Just like everyone else. So, you may be asking why I'm telling you this. Here is why:

I am tired of feeling ashamed. I am sick of being quiet. I was a victim, but I am a survivor. And I am lucky. A lot of you out there, this may be a shock to you. Some may know. Some may not care. You may say I was stupid to take alcohol, and you're right. But maybe had I been more prepared and had more knowledge on what to look for in this situation, I would have left. But screw the what if's, and the would haves and should haves. It is not my fault. And it never will be. I recovered.

I've seen so many posts and stories about rape and sexual assault. It sickens me. Because I got to the point where I felt it would be easier to take my own life than to try to become human again. But there is something that my Dad has always told me, that will never leave my mind: "Chloe's do not give up." And every time I felt like it, I found a reason to smile in my day.

I'm here to make noise. We need to educate our youth and young adults, and even adults on what to look for. This needs to stop. No means no and that's that. I'm sick of sitting in the shadows, wanting to comment and tell you I understand. I DO understand. And you are not alone. You will never be alone. Stand with me, friends, family. Stand with me and make some noise about this "taboo" subject. I want to change this. And it starts with us. Let's make some noise.