Life: The Unexpected

In life,
I've come to realize that we never really do expect the unexpected.
We seem to be in the most ideal and right situation, how could it go wrong?
We worked hard for something, and continue to work hard, but yet, what has gone wrong?
For the longest time, I've listened to the voice in the back of my head.
"You're not good enough."
"They're right, maybe you would be better off dead."
"Is this the right choice?"
Tonight, I am here to say, enough is enough.

I have fought my whole life for what I believe in. I don't run away. I don't just quit. I can't say that I've never given up on something, because we all have. There comes a point where there is no fight left in us. We've given it our all and even though we want to go down with a fight, sometimes we just have to go down gracefully. 
I'm not here to say to quit fighting. I'm not here to say to give up. Life throws curveballs at us that don't always make sense. And it hurts. Like hell. We swung our bat at what we thought was the perfect moment, but the ball moved at the last second. Leaving us there at the plate, distraught, and confused. We were ready.
I was ready. I was motivated. This was going to be my semester. This was going to be my year. Then, I started listening to the voices again. "Maybe this isn't my year." And on a side note, this post has been inspired by someone else's words, and I wanted to put it in my own. 
Life hasn't always come easy for me. It doesn't come easy for all of us. What we're willing to fight for is what makes us who we are. How we respond, our choices, our friends. Every aspect of our life makes us who we are. Whether it be good or bad, it doesn't always mean it's permanent. 
These past few days have been rough. I didn't know I could cry so much. When I was left with a choice, one of the hardest choices that has ever come my way, I could not find what to expect out of either decision. What I love was being taken from me. I wanted to go down with a fight. I want to say "Get the hell out of my way, I can do this." But that is not always how it ends. And it sucks.

So, tonight, I've made a decision, one I never thought I'd make, and say enough is enough.
Enough with the hurt.
Enough with the drama.
The pain.
The confusion.
It's no longer worth a fight I'm bound to lose. 
It is not in my best interest to fight what has already been done.
And for those of you who know me, you may ask if I've given up. No, I haven't. There comes a point in our lives where we have to stand up for ourselves. That may mean standing up to someone, saying something that needs to be said, or simply just doing what is best for ourselves. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to end things with a fight. It doesn't mean you have to spend days and weeks trying to justify what your decision is. Standing up for yourself is making the decision to let yourself be happy. To let go of what's holding you back, and move onto something much greater.
It may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. It may mean leaving friends who you love. Leaving a place that you once loved. And finding a better place and better people to live in your happiness,
The happiness that everyone in this life deserves.

It's not easy to walk away. 
It's not easy to say enough is enough.
It's so much easier to let these things bring you down. To let someone win. To give up. It is so much easier to let ourselves live in a false happiness.
But in the end.. who are you?
Will you be able to say that you took a stand?
Will you be able to tell your story of how you became happy?
What you've accomplished?
What you've conquered?
So, yeah, it is easy to just take the easy route. Just live by what everyone else expects you to do.
But.
What if you do the unexpected? What if you say no? What if you do stand up for yourself?
People are going to assume that you'll listen. That they have these strings tied to you and you'll follow their every command. And that, is not me. I live my life to do the unexpected. I am here to conquer. Not to be defeated. 
I had the choice of doing the expected, or doing the unexpected. Something came my way that I wasn't ready for. I wasn't ready for this curveball, but then again, are we ever really ready? 
I'm ready to stand up for myself.
I'm ready to say this is enough.
Tonight, I'm ready to go to bed and know that tomorrow, I will do the unexpected. There are no strings tied on me. Nor will there ever be.
Tonight, I made one of the hardest decisions I will ever have to make. 
And that decision, was entirely,
unexpected.

Dear You

Dear You,

Today, you may have woken up and not wanted to get out of bed.
Someone might have said something hurtful, and just ruined your day.
Maybe you're going through a break up.
Life might really just suck.

But.

I'm here to tell you something.
Something that has taken me my whole life to realize, and I'm still figuring it all out.
So, here is what I am here to tell you.

I love you.
I don't care if it took you a half hour to convince yourself to get out of bed.
I'm so happy that you got out of bed.
Because you're here.
I don't care what you wear, or if your hair is a mess.
I don't care if you wear pajamas to school, or if you didn't do your homework.
It doesn't bother me if we don't have the same beliefs.
If you pray to Buddha or to a God, it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you prayed.
Because that made you happy.
And I don't care about your pajamas or your missed homework.
I don't care what people say about you.
It does not matter to me what lies or rumors I hear.
What I do care about is your happiness.
I don't care who you like, or who you don't like.
I really don't care about the petty worldly things in this life.
What I care about is you.
And if wearing pj's to school is what makes you happy, or praying to whomever you believe in,
then by all means, do it.
Because even if others don't agree with what you do, or think you need to comb your messy hair, I love every part of you.
Those pj's, the missed assignments, the days it's hard to get out of bed.
That is what makes you.. you.
And there is nothing more valuable that you.
I've learned in this life that judgment is cruel.
And I may not know your story, I only know what you show and tell me.
What matters to me, is that you're happy.
And today, it took me three hours to get out of bed.
I wore pj's to school.
And I missed an assignment.
But I'm here to say, I am not ashamed.
Because those pj's made me happy.
My messy hair.. I didn't care.
I'm here to be me.
And that,
is the best thing, I will ever be.

So. To all those out there who had a bad day.
Go to bed knowing that tomorrow is another day.
And that your happiness is what matters.
I love you.
Not for what you are,
But for who you are.