Convinced

I’m not convinced of this world.

I’m not convinced that the heartless will never regain their heart. That the poor will never find wealth. That this world is how it should be. 

I’m not convinced that the depressed will never see the light. That the downtrodden won’t be picked up by those who beat them down. That this world is better without someone. 

There is a meaning to this life and I’m not convinced we've truly found it. That we know why we’re here. That we've fulfilled the passion we strive for. They say it can’t be done. That we can’t fly. That we can’t find happiness in sorrow. 

I’m not convinced of all the smiles that come my way. That someone’s life is perfect. And that we’re all okay. 

Because I’m convinced that we’re not. 

That our closest friends do turn on us. The ones we love the most tear apart everything we had. I’m convinced that we've all laid in our beds and felt hopeless. Like nothing will ever matter again. That we’ll never matter. 

I’m convinced that in our darkest hours, someone, anyone, will come to our side and lay next to us. Until we find the strength to sit up and walk out the door we've been searching for. That something inside us will light up, and guide us to the passion fulfilled life we viciously strive for. In our dreams and in our wake. 

I’m convinced that one day we will run so fast and so long that we not only capture the muse, but we tackle her down. We look her in the eyes, raise our fist, and then shed a tear upon her face. 

Because I am convinced that in this world of failure, nothing is better than knowing you did everything they said you couldn't. 

Mayhem

Do you ever take a step back and look at what you've been doing for the past year?
Not just a quick step back and then back forward.
A real step.
One where you stay there until your eyes adjust to the mayhem you've been living in.
The kind where it makes you literally say, "What the hell is this?"
Your life was planned out.
Everything seemed so perfect.
Nothing could get in your way... right?
It's like looking at a picture that's been hanging up in your house for years.
But if someone were to ask you what it was, you'd have no response.
And this time, you're determined.
To figure it out.
To know every single aspect you're missing.
It's like looking at that picture.
And noticing a black figure missing from the piece.
And it's you.
Where are you?
What is all this chaos surrounding you?
You thought you knew this picture so well.
So, is it time?
Where is this pit of despair coming from?
This picture.
Is not your life.
It's as if your life is surrounding it.
But you're not there.
Your happiness is missing.
Did you ever take a step back?
To think, to realize.
Your life was 'planned' out.
But who exactly was it that planned it out for you?
So, is it time?
One more step back.
And another.
Turn around.
And take a step forward.
The picture fades.
Surely.
Slowly.
There are steps.
Bumps.
Darkness.
But there's light at the end.
One more step.
And another.
Another..
Your life is calling you.
My life is calling.
I'm ready.

The Beginning

Ah. The beginning. How cliche. 
"Who are you?"
"Why do you even have a blog?"
I am Chloe. 
I love to write.
I once had a blog. It was filled with my deepest writings that I was willing to share with the world. I was three years younger than I am now. Unfortunately, you can't trust people with your password. And when these certain people get angry, they tear you down. Delete every last word you wrote. 
"Why didn't you keep a back up?"
Good question. I ask it every day.
I'm not a phenomenal teenager. I'm not outstanding. I'm ready to graduate high school and get out of this place.
What you will find is that I don't fit the "norm."
Yes, I am a girl.
No, I do not appear as one.
My hair is short. My pants sag on occasion. I wear button up shirts, ties, and vests. 
"Oh, so you're 'different'."
Yes. I am 'different.' But, let's save that for another day.
"So, tell me. Why are you writing this blog?"
Because, you see. I am exactly five feet. I am 'different.' All of my life I've been waiting for that "moment", just like every other kid with a dream, to make a change.
All of my life, I've just been waiting for my small voice to be heard.
Maybe, just maybe.
Here's my chance.
So, here we go.
The beginning.