To The Friend..

To the friend who said they'd always be there.. 
We used to spend our nights together watching stupid shows on Netflix and vaping until we fell asleep. 
I was there when you cried, and you were there when I cried. 
And to my friend who promised we'd always be sisters.. 
I want to be happy for you. But now the only time I see you is on Facebook, or snap chat. 
With someone else. 
And it may be selfish of me, to be so angry at you for living your own life.. 

But as the friend I thought I'd never lose, I hate to see how much further we're growing apart every day. You were the one who broke into my room and forced me to get out of bed. 
The one who brought me breakfast on a day we wanted to get things done. 
You were the angel who carried me when I could not walk anymore. 

And to the friend who I always wanted to be there for, 
I just want to carry you when you can't walk anymore. 
To put a band aid on your wound, and tell you it'll be okay. 
I want to be selfish and tell you that you're not better off without me, but it's been about two months now. And although it may seem like I walked away, I still wish every day, that we could still be the friends who were always there for each other.

I understand in life that we all go different ways, and I've found people who I can carry, and that can carry me. It wasn't an easy change. 
And I miss you. Every day. 
I feel like I should have fought for you and chased you, but I also felt there was no hope in trying. 
So, to the friend who promised they'd always be there.. 
I really, truly hope you're happy with this new life you've found..
Even if I'm not in it. I may not be the friend I said I always would, but if you came running back to me.. 
My arms would be wide open. 
And I hope that one day, someone.. 
Will truly be there for you. For all of the right reasons.
To the friend who always said they'd be there..
I miss you.
And sometimes, I wonder if you miss me too.