I Dreamt

I dreamt you called.

To come over and eat my birthday cake, that was the same colors as the pills I pop in my mouth every day.

Blue.

For depression.

Yellow.
For false happiness.

Green.
For the greedy want of life.

White.
For feeling like a blank piece of nothing.

I dreamt you called.

To take me out to dinner.

We laughed and we loved.
Like nothing had ever gone wrong.
I dreamt that you left me a voicemail.

Crying, pleading for me to call you back.
Because you needed me.
You didn't have any yellow pills left.
And I was the closest thing to it.
I dreamt you kissed me.

It felt so real.

Is this what love feels like?
A sudden urge to just.. jump and scream?

I dreamt you left me.

Because I wasn't good enough anymore.
That I wasn't who you thought I was.
That you saw all of the different colored pills I take.
And you finally knew the real me.

I dreamt that you still loved me.

For who I am.
For the pills I take.
The tears I shed.
And for not giving up.

I dreamt that I gave up.

There was no hope left.
I've amounted to nothing.
I am nothing.
I dreamt that I woke up from this nightmare..

But I can't.